Pythona's Classified design input

"Enough of this spy kids crap, let's play soldier!"

 

My tribute to a surprisingly deep episode of Sunbow G.I. Joe, Let's Play Soldier.

Script Recyling in '80s Cartoons

Syndicated cartoons in the '80s and '90s often relied on repeating plot structures to sustain long seasons, especially when producing 65+ episodes per year for weekday syndication. 

David Wise wrote two episodes I remember well that seemed pretty... familiar?  This had been brought up in Transformers and Turtles fandom, but at least one stock aspect was also used in G.I. Joe.

Scarlett on Eternia

As a part of G.I. Joe's space missions, Scarlett had found herself on a mysterious planet and found refuge in an abandoned castle.  It was an eerie place, and both Cobra and Gamesmaster followed her there. 

Scarlett looked on as opposing robotic forces took on one another.  Exploring the planet would have to wait.

The Adventures of the Ancient Mirror of Avathar

 

"So you are like the mirror from Snow White and the Seven Dwarves?"  Pythona tilted her head and asked in her usual haughty manner, "You know, 'fairest of them all' and all that?"

The mirror sighed and answered, "Like the mirror in Snow White."  Annoyed, it expanded its answer, "Know I am the Mirror of Avathar.  I answer questions of truth, desire, and destiny, not bedtime vanity.  Ask me anything and I can give you the answer."

Cobra Commander, never one to hold his tongue, interjected, "Then imagine the ssstrategic possibilitiesss!  Intelligence, prophecy, sssecrets beyond, psychological warfare!  With thisss mirror, Cobra could..."

Serpentor, from his throne, heard enough. "Silence, Cobra Commander!  This I command!  Your Emperor is thinking, and your voice grates like sand in armor." 

Pythona smirked and added, "Yes, Cobra Commander, please be quiet." 

Serpentor tapped his fingers on his throne and spoke.  "Besides, I have a question worthy of Avathar's power...Mirror of Avathar, reveal to us, who is the hottest woman in all the realms?"

Pythona arched an eyebrow, clearly expecting the answer.  Cobra Commander snorted and complained under his breath, "Oh, thisss ought to be good."

The mirror hesitated, knowing beyond all what Seprentor was and what would happen if it displeased him.  Its mist flickered, its frame trembled.   Then, it said, "It is... Pythona.  Yes.  Without question.  Her beauty eclipses all others.  Truly... unmatched."  

Serpentor turned to Pythona, "You see, dear, even the universe knows its true!"  

Cobra Commander had had enough. "Oh, please!  That mirror just told you what you wanted to hear, ssso it wouldn't get sssent to the wood chipper!  Did you not listen?  It was lying!"  

"What did you say, Cobra Commander?"  Serpentor said, getting up from his throne. 

Pythona smirked, "Cobra Commander, by all means, are you saying you know better than this magic mirror?" 

Cobra Commander backed down, laughing nervously, "Haha," he lied, "Of course not, Pythona.  I was just thinking, we should vet this mirror before putting too much ssstock in it.  I wasss looking out for the best interestsss of Serpentor and Cobra.  That'sss all."

Serpentor, not happy, further pressed, "Is not Pythona's beauty not the best means to vet this mirror, Cobra Commander?"

"Of course, of course," Cobra Commander said, "I agree with all your tacticsss and plansss, Serpentor!  What was I thinking?  hahaha.." 

Seprentor reminded him, "You don't!  I do the thinking and you obey like an obedient lackey!" 

Cobra Commander muttered to himself, "Thisss is why we never win... they might as well be love sssick teenagers."

The Top Ten Greatest Joe Lines in Sunbow G.I. Joe

Lights! Camera! Cover Girl did the meme!

 

Lights! Camera! Cobra!  has remained one of my all-time favorite episodes of Sunbow G.I. Joe.

The Top Ten Greatest Cobra Lines in Sunbow G.I. Joe

The lasting appeal of Lex Luthor

 

The Sea Hawk - Episode 7 of She-Ra: Princess of Power

 

This was only the second proper episode of She-Ra following her "Secret of the Sword" mini-series/movie.  

Hordak was noticeably removed from the action, and the episode focused more on illustrating the impact of Horde rule on the world.  Catra was framed as the main villain here.  

Importantly, it introduced one of the most memorable allies in the Rebellion and Adora's canon romantic interest:  Sea Hawk, a charming pirate with questionable morals and a heart that was ready to be "awakened" (and other things too, lol).

The sad end of Serpentor in DIC G.I. Joe

Serpentor's downfall in Operation: Dragonfire was swift and... surprisingly understated?

... especially compared to his dramatic rise in the Sunbow era.

"Let the web of remembrance tell the tale!"

"Why isn't this tv working?  

Why do I suddenly feel the need to watch The View?  

Work, damn you!  This I command!"

Super7 ReAction Team-Up: She-Ra and Shipwreck enter the Fright Zone

"These off-brand Cobra-La rehashes belong on bad late-night TV, but 

they don't stand a chance.  I bring the charm.  You bring sparkles."

"Um, sure thing, but lets finish this!  For the honor of 

Grayskull and for the sailor who talks too much!"

I love being a turtle!

By all measurements, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 1987 was a huge success.  Its cartoon spanned 10 seasons with 193 episodes.  That's a hell of a run.  

It adapted the darker comic (which was a hyper violet parody of trendline in comics in the '80s, "grim and gritty") into a more kid-friendly, humorous tone.  "Cowabunga!"  "Heroes in a half shell!"  and so on.

That's not to say it was "bad," there are great episodes from the beginning to the end of the series (but as it was, there was also a lot of bloat and bad episodes as well, the quality had wild swings).  

And it had a HUGE cultural impact.  Action figures!  Cereal!  Video Games!  T-Shirts!   A music tour!  Movies!  and more!  

She-Ra captured at the Fright Zone

Catra, a couple of her cat minions, the dragon, and a tree trap vs. She-Ra!  No problem, She-Ra will beat all these jokers in a moment.  Just as soon as she gets down.  LOL

It annoyed me that the box art for the new Fright Zone didn't even bother putting She-Ra on there.  Green Goddess, why?  The Horde became She-Ra's principal enemies in the IP.  Mattel did her dirty.

Its Good To Be The Burger King!

 

This has been a thing since way back in the day.  Every kid thought it:  He-Man/Prince Adam's dad, King Randor, looked like The Burger King mascot.  

Thunder... Thunder... Thunder Dud!

 

One of the more interesting things about Sunbow G.I. Joe animation, as it went, was how things took on a life of their own... in one particular case.  Thunder was a character positioned for something, but that thunder became a dud.  Best laid plans and all that, right?

The G.I. Joe Christmas Special

 

Ever since I saw this special, I have had many scenes in my mind for G.I. Joe.  

In this MotU special, "Christmas" was cast as a metaphysical threat to authoritarian control, Horde Prime's control, a threat to his Horde Empire.  The children from Earth, on Eternia, were carriers of a belief system that destabilized the villain's power structure.  

Skeletor, long-time villain of He-Man's cartoon, and Hordak, the lead villain of She-Ra's toon, were summoned before Horde Prime, the most powerful and evil being in all the universe.  Both villains were rivals, yes, and hated one another, certainly.  But under Horde Prime's gaze, even their egos shrank.

Horde Prime believed that the Christmas spirit was a threat to his power.  He ordered them to capture the two Earth children, saying that whoever brought them to him would be well-rewarded.

"Alas, poor Skeletor..."

Well, this exposed Skeletor head does allow for a bit of possibilities, huh?

 

X-Men: Pryde of the X-Men

G.I. JOE: A Real American Hero Ultimate FANthem!

 

Yo Joe!

40 years of G.I. Joe/ Real American Hero
Whenever there's trouble, G.I.Joe is there/ G.I.Joe will always be dare

Comic books, cartoons/figures made for action
Commercials made, "you want that?"/Let me get that Mobat

Breaker Clutch, Grunt and Flash/Rock&Roll, Bazooka, Zap

Shipwreck loves navy grog/Mutt came with a junkyard dog
Scarlett rocks a crossbow/PSAs, the more you know
Touch the line, you'll get a shock/Oh, thank goodness, here's Roadblock

And now you know/Knowing is half the battle
G.I. Joe!

How sick is that/Cutter's boat/the Hovercraft really floats
Stalker is from Michigan/then there were the mail-ins

Dysfunctional relationships/like Steeler and the Baroness

Arashikage, ninja bros/Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow
Dragonfly roam the skies/ No one ever really dies

Cobra B.A.T.s by the dozen/Destro and Lady Jaye are cousins

Duke, Hawk, Recondo, Doc/Cold Slither plays the hardest rock
Scrap-Iron has mixed loyalty/Major Blood writes poetry

And now you know/Knowing is half the battle
G.I. Joe!

Cobra Commander losing it/surrounds himself with idiots
Why does Cobra get beat/Because their leader screams, "Retreat!" 
Xamot and Tomax/Cobra box replacing cash

No Cobra scheme's intangible/They even brainwashed animals
Darkness cubes from coast to coast/Blackmailing three different ghosts
Destro running guns from M.A.R.S./Controlling weather from the stars

Cobra-La, new emperor/This I command, Serpentor
Why is Serpentor super cray/They lost on Sun Tzu's DNA

And now you know/Knowing is half the battle
G.I. Joe!

Night Raven, Arctic Blast/Desert Fox, Snowcat
Face paint, dog tags/everyone still wants a FLAGG
40 years of awesome lore/Let's hope there's 40 more
Fighting for freedom, land, and air/Whenever there's trouble, G.I. Joe is there

And now you know/That's half the battle
"Wait, what's the other half of the battle?"

G.I. Joe!

"Cut! Alright, let's do it again from the top!"

Pythona production models

PYTHONA (1987)

This is a lovely sketch of Pythona by legendary G.I. Joe artist Russ Heath.  The standout new villain in G.I. Joe the Movie, so of course, Hasbro doesn't make a figure of her to go along with it.

A Janitor-Viper's Job Is Never Done

The Terror Drome is a ghost town, Cobra is off trying to conquer the world, could be slacking, yet this Janitor-Viper is still working hard!  Red cap turned around, so casual, but still doing his job.  

A credit to Vipers everywhere.  

... but why are there brick walls in the Terror Drome, DIC?

SCOOP (1989)

 

The Stingers - Take It Or Leave It

"Take It or Leave It" by The Stingers is a great anthem song.  It's in my top five songs from Jem and the Holograms cartoon.

Riot's unapologetic, cocky self-expression, as it goes, "take it or leave it"...

Don't like the way I act?  
Girl, you better face the fact  
You can wait a long while  
I'm not about to change my style
  
This is me / How I like to be  
Take it or leave it / I am free
How I like to be/Take it or leave it 
What you get is what you see  
You better believe it /Take it or leave it 
 
You think I'm a big disgrace (hoo hoo)  
Why don't you get off my case? (hoo hoo)  
You say I'm the hurtin' kind  
Girl, you oughta keep in mind...
This is me / How I like to be  
Take it or leave it  
What you get is what you see  
You better believe it / Take it or leave it, baby
Take it or leave it 

The Baroness - Bored Spoiled Little Rich Girl

Transformers Generations Collaborative:  G.I. Joe Mash-Up – Megatron H.I.S.S. Tank included a Baroness figure as the gunner.  There are two things about this.  

Cobra's Pro-Social Philosophy

"People trust television!  It's their friend!  They believe what television tells them... about the news, the weather, or G.I. Joe!  Don't you see?  We control the creation of truth!"  

Fan Service Highs, Fan Service Lows

Fan Service High:

G.I. Joe:  A Real American Hero #50

My memory of the G.I. Joe comic series remains much more fuzzy, but one thing I knew in general, comics in the 80s had no problem with fan service. 

This was previewed in G.I. Joe #50 to promote the Special Missions comic.

This moment of Lady Jaye mid-dress doing a quick change of clothes into a stewardess was something that caught my eye as a young boy, lol.   This was in keeping with Lady Jaye's file card: no wigs, no rubber masks.  Becoming the role.

The art was good.  The clothing on the page had texture, how it should drape across her mid-change.  Dynamic, created movement.  Lady Jaye looked like a real person, arm extended to get the outfit on.  Even in those two panels, a sense of location is provided.  

And yeah, that little panty flash.  That was intentionally in the preview pages of their mainline book, to get boys in turn to buy Special Missions.  

Cobra Commander: American as apple pie and motherhood!

 

Here we see Cobra Commander tempting an economically depressed town in America called Millville.  

Jobs!  Free medical care!  Bonses!  Subsidized housing!  Crime-free environment!  Even Cobra Day Care!  Cobra is all for the nuclear family!  

Best of all, its all tax free!    

One guy stands up to Cobra Commander, but its hard to stop the spread of fascist ideals when the choice these people faced was Cobra Commander's "better life" or starving.  

The Lady Who Has Everything

Damn!  

Rich/Privileged/Smart/Beautiful

Lady Jaye canonically was a woman who had everything going for her, then had the audacity not to be bitch, but rather be a nice, kind person.  Ugh!  Isn't that just the most annoying thing ever?

Lady...? Lady J... ? Lady Jaye!

In Lady Jaye's first initial appearance in G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero #32 (1985), her codename was originally spelled "Lady J."  

This is actually her final major debut appearance, certainty not her first. 

Lady Jaye was created for and first introduced in the Sunbow cartoon, where she played a prominent role in The Revenge of Cobra five-part mini-series.  After that, she was released as an action figure and eventually made her debut in the comic series shown below.

Team Evil

 

ONCE A MAN COBRA COMMANDER (Super7 ReAction+)

 

It's dangerous to go alone! Take this.

 My lazy tribute photo to this moment in MotU history:

Budget Mothership

After Extensive Enterprises failed to fund a massive mothership using a front company called Super7, Cobra Commander provided a budget mothership. 

MINI-COMIC STRATOS (MotU Origins)

Destro's New Super Weapon

"This will help me take over the world?"

"Why, yes, my dear Cobra Commander... (haha, sucker)"

The Synthoid Conspiracy

 

As a child, on the rare occasions when I had more than one figure of the same character, I could use them as synthoids.