Sunday, August 31, 2025

G.I. JOE: A Real American Hero Ultimate FANthem!

 

Yo Joe!

40 years of G.I. Joe/ Real American Hero
Whenever there's trouble, G.I.Joe is there/ G.I.Joe will always be dare

Comic books, cartoons/figures made for action
Commercials made, "you want that?"/Let me get that Mobat
Breaker Clutch, Grunt and Flash/Rock&Roll, Bazooka, Zap

Shipwreck loves navy grog/Mutt came with a junkyard dog
Scarlett rocks a crossbow/PSAs, the more you know
Touch the line, you'll get a shock/Oh, thank goodness, here's Roadblock

And now you know/Knowing is half the battle
G.I. Joe!

How sick is that/Cutter's boat/the Hovercraft really floats
Stalker is from Michigan/then there were the mail-ins

Dysfunctional relationships/like Steeler and the Baroness
Arashikage, ninja bros/Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow
Dragonfly roam the skies/ No one ever really dies
Cobra B.A.T.s by the dozen/Destro and Lady Jaye are cousins

Duke, Hawk, Recondo, Doc/Cold Slither plays the hardest rock
Scrap-Iron has mixed loyalty/Major Blood writes poetry

And now you know/Knowing is half the battle
G.I. Joe!

Cobra Commander losing it/surrounds himself with idiots
Why does Cobra get beat/Because their leader screams, "Retreat!" 
Xamot and Tomax/Cobra box replacing cash

No Cobra scheme's intangible/They even brainwashed animals
Darkness cubes from coast to coast/Blackmailing three different ghosts
Destro running guns from M.A.R.S./Controlling weather from the stars

Cobra-La, new emperor/This I command, Serpentor
Why is Serpentor super cray/They lost on Sun Tzu's DNA

And now you know/Knowing is half the battle
G.I. Joe!

Night Raven, Arctic Blast/Desert Fox, Snowcat
Face paint, dog tags/everyone still wants a FLAGG
40 years of awesome lore/Let's hope there's 40 more
Fighting for freedom, land, and air/Whenever there's trouble, G.I. Joe is there

And now you know/That's half the battle
"Wait, what's the other half of the battle?"

G.I. Joe!

"Cut! Alright, let's do it again from the top!"

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