The G.I. Joe Christmas Special

 

Ever since I saw this special, I have had many scenes in my mind for G.I. Joe.  

In this MotU special, "Christmas" was cast as a metaphysical threat to authoritarian control, Horde Prime's control, a threat to his Horde Empire.  The children from Earth, on Eternia, were carriers of a belief system that destabilized the villain's power structure.  

Skeletor, long-time villain of He-Man's cartoon, and Hordak, the lead villain of She-Ra's toon, were summoned before Horde Prime, the most powerful and evil being in all the universe.  Both villains were rivals, yes, and hated one another, certainly.  But under Horde Prime's gaze, even their egos shrank.

Horde Prime believed that the Christmas spirit was a threat to his power.  He ordered them to capture the two Earth children, saying that whoever brought them to him would be well-rewarded.

Mirroring Villains:

So, since G.I. Joe: The Movie, I felt like those three villains in the MotU IP mirrored the villains in G.I. Joe.

Cobra Commander/Skeletor -  Chaotic Evil

Both are legacy villains, as the original face of evil in their respective franchises.  They’re petty, vain, and prone to tantrums, but also cunning, slippery, and occasionally sympathetic.  

Serpentor/Hordak - Constructed Tyranny

They're more militaristic, more organized, and more dangerous in a tactical sense, but less clever in some sense because they are so "out in front."   Serpentor was created; Hordak was elevated.   Also acted as a foil for the original villain, with much less sympathy.  Never positioned as underdogs.

Golobulus/Horde Prime - Abstract Overlords

The monsters who controlled things behind a curtain.   Both are rarely seen, but deeply feared.  They represent ideological purity of evil, not just conquest, but the eradication of freedom, individuality, and resistance.

The G.I. Joe Christmas Special:

The air hummed with bio-organic energy.  Tendrils pulsed along the walls.  At the center, Golobulus, Supreme Ruler of Cobra-La, coiled his serpentine body out of the walls. His voice slithered through the chamber like venom.

"This spirit of Christmas on Earth may threaten my coming rule. 

It is an affront to everything Cobra-La believes in!  Infection spreads.  

Joy.  Compassion.  Unity.  This, this... Christmas.

It must be eradicated before it takes root.  Find it and crush it!"

Serpentor stepped forward, his chest heaving with imperial pride.

"Have no fear, great Golobulus!  I will eliminate the Christmas 

spirit before another day has passed.  This I command!"

Cobra Commander slinked from the shadows, voice shrill and mocking.

 "You?  You can't even handle that muscle-bound G.I. Joe, Sgt. Slaughter!"

"What about the way G.I. Joe handles you, you masked mishap?

How many times did your bumbling cost Cobra victory?"

 "Masked mishap?  Why, you miserable collection of dead

men's DNA!   You sorry excuse for an Emperor!  If  you're

so great, why did you die, what, over dozens of times?"

"Silence!  Stop wasting my time with your petty squabbles. 

Whoever succeeds shall be rewarded... beyond imagination!"

Yo Joe!  Yo Christmas:

Sgt. Slaughter would dress as Santa Claus.  

"At ease, maggots!  Santa Sarge here to check his list twice!  If you think

 you're gettin' coal,  think again!  You're gettin' push-ups, perimeter patrol, and 

peppermint bark if you behave.  So, grab a cookie and fall in for festive formation!"

Dial-Tone would learn the meaning of Christmas.

The holiday decorations hung half-heartedly.  A broken string of lights flickered over a tray of untouched fruitcake.  Dial-Tone sits slumped at a table, his comm gear scattered beside him.  He had a bad case of the holiday blues. 

 

"I guess Beachhead was right.  Everything I do turns into a disaster.  I tried to help, 

tried to make things better... but I guess I don't really know what Christmas is about. 

Isn't there anyone who understands what Christmas is all about?"

A hush fell over the room.  The Joes glanced up from their cocoa.  Then, quietly, Doc stood.  He walked to the center of the room.  A single spotlight flickered on, maybe accidental, maybe not? 

"Sure, Dial-Tone.  I can tell you what Christmas is all about."

He cleared his throat, voice steady, warm.

"And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night.  And lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them, and they were sore afraid.  And the angel said unto them, ‘Fear not:  for behold, I bring you tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.  For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, which is Christ the Lord.  And this shall be a sign unto you:  Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger.’  And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying, ‘Glory to God in the highest, and on Earth peace, goodwill toward men.'"

Doc walked over to Dial-Tone, beside him, and finished, "That's what Christmas is all about, Dial-Tone."

Dial-Tone looked up, eyes misty.  The room was quiet.   Even Beachhead softened, just a little.

"Thanks, Doc. I... I needed that."

And finally, Cobra Commander would be the one who accidentally learned the meaning of Christmas and hated that he liked it.   Lt. Falcon and Jinx explained, thankfully for Cobra Commander, Christmas only came around once a year.

"Ah... I don't like to feel good.  I like to feel evil!"